I remember stories from my grandparents and parents about the hardships and horrors they lived through. About rations and poverty, plaques and hunger, having to share a phone line, having to put cardboard in their shoes, wearing hand-me-downs that didn’t quite fit, and the one that my Mom would always share while making a little violin with her fingers “we had to walk to school in a snow storm, up hill, both ways”… And I think to myself, at least everyone wasn’t hooked on pharmaceuticals for depression and anxiety, communities helped one another rather than being absolutely dependent on corporations and the government to feed us, clothe us, pay us, and tell us how to think… and we (collectively) were not shamed into injecting ourselves with a poison that made us a good citizen, even when somewhere in our self we knew it wasn’t in our best interest.
The Past timelines (collectively from the beginning of my memories until now) programmed humans to believe the following:
- Do what you’re told.
- Don’t question “Authority”.
- Get comfortable with sitting for hours (do well in school), and swallow all the “shoulds” that are (those in charge) fed.
- Get a job and remain loyal to “the company” so that in old age “they” take care of you.
- Allow the government to collect money from every pay check, to “save” it for you, so you’ll be okay…
- Fit in, follow the pre-prescribed plans, and your life will be a shining star of success.
- Don’t listen to your body, shut down your feelings so you don’t make others uncomfortable.
- Doctors know best.
- Success means a nice house, an expensive car, a respected career, well behaved children, and money in the bank.
- New gadgets and computers make life simpler.
I remember “bucking the system” around 30 years old. I questioned the normatives, and lived in a way that made my parents crazy. I cashed out my retirement to pay for Massage School so I wouldn’t have debt upon graduating. I used all my savings to cover living expenses while in school rather than taking out a loan, and I stopped buying into the narrative that Doctors are God. I began understanding that my life, was my responsibility. That my health was my responsibility. That my success was DIRECTLY related to how I felt in my body.
I began meditating and SLOWING DOWN. And I noticed that instead of banging my head against the wall to figure things out and build my business, ideas came to me on my walks, in my dreams, and while being quiet. I didn’t have a “business plan”, I had a feeling… I wanted to help people feel better in their bodies, and that MY service to humanity was in my hands (literally – massage).
I remember a talk with my Father when I was in my 40’s (after massage school, starting a business and getting divorced) where he shared how he was afraid for me because I had no retirement. He thought I was reckless and foolish not to have a 5 year business plan, and no savings account. And I remember clearly responding with “Whatever I need is always presented to me if I am present enough to receive it”… He shook his head and walked away.
I also remember a talk we had when he was 90, and on his death bed, which went something like this… “I wish I could have let go of my fear of how things should be (pre-programmed beliefs), and done some of the things that I dreamed of, like getting my pilots license, or building my own house, or spending summers on the water with your Mother watching her swim”…
My one and only goal for the rest of my time in this body, on this planet, is to get clearer and clearer and clearer on what’s me and what’s not me. I want to be so clear that every yes is a “HELL YESS”, and everything else is an absolute NO (no maybe’s). And I want to be okay with my body and my feelings and I want to have cultivated so many deep friendships with others who also know their YES and their NO, so that assumptions, misunderstandings, judgements, and blame are no longer even part of the vocabulary and frequency that we generate together.
Maybe the hardships of our collective past can just be a reminder that every time and place has its challenges, and in THIS TIME AND SPACE we (collectively) are choosing to go backwards into simpler times, yet forward into more elevated consciousness and creativity. A time where we grow a simple garden, we are kind to animals, we share what we have when we can, we have the ability to listen to the plants (elevated consciousness), and we intend Peace into being, by walking OURSELVES home (Going Inward), hand in hand with those we love, One breath at a time.
Love, Aniiyah
I enjoyed reading this so much. It reminded me of my talks with my grandmother and how she alwasy told me, “The housework will always wait for you, but your kids are only young once.” It’s a reminder to slow down, breathe, and be present. Thank you!
❤️❤️