Age

Today I had some great conversation with my Mom and Dad. They are in their late 80’s and have lived well, traveled to many places, raised 4 kids, have 4 grandkids and now have their 1st great grandkid. The last 4 years have been a challenging dance with A;zheimers. My Mom slowly slipped away, lost large pieces of who she was, lost the ability to do things that she loved and was really good at, and now finally has lost her mobility. I had some curiosity about her, and had some things I wanted to find out before she was completely gone were bubbling up, so I sort of “interviewed” her (first), hoping to glean pearls of wisdom and more insights into her.

Then I thought, I really wanted to have these insights about both of them… who they are, who they were, what was important to them, what stands out for them, etc.

… and also wanted to NOT have more conversations about “the virus” “the president” or “Mom’s decline”.

So… My questions were:

“What is one thing that you want to tell the younger generation?” “If you could go back in time what is one thing you wish you would have done differently”, and “Do you have any regrets, things that you wish you would have done but did’t, or things that you Did but with you hadn’t done”. It took a lot to encourage my Mom into conversation, but once she was present, she had some cool things to say!

Mom said the most important thing for the younger generation to remember was to always tell the truth, even if you are afraid, even if you know it will upset someone, even if the person you are talking to doesn’t understand. Always tell the truth.

Then she went on to talk about how she always told her kids that if you tell the truth you’ll get in less trouble than if you lie about something and I find out you lied. (I remember the pain of lying to my Mother… it was not something I will ever forget… She was a force to be reconned with if she found out you had not told her the truth.

When I asked her if she could go back in time what would she have done differently, it took a long time to respond. Then she softly said “accept help”. This made so much sense to me since my Mom was fiercely independent. She passed this trait onto me… Sometimes it served me well, and sometimes it caused great suffering. And the Universe gave me the opportunity to release this program through some pretty intense health issues and accidents… I had to ask for help because I was physically unable to do things for myself. Boy was that a wake up call…

The last question she answered about regrets I thought maybe she didn’t understand the question because she said “stop trying to control things. Just let it go”. And I thought to myself how again I inherited this treasure of a program… Control. Man have I struggled with that for a long time. It wasn’t until I went to massage school and learned about breath work, meditation, and bodywork that I was able to loosen my grip on control (both of myself and of others). I still sometimes get stuck here, especially when I am afraid, but it is much easier to open my hand and breath it out now when I notice I’m stepping into (or have stepped into) that pattern of behavior.

Then came Dad’s turn… His words of wisdom for the younger generation are simple… don’t judge others. You never know what their experiences have been. Just don’t judge others. My Dad has lived this belief his whole life. I remember conversations as a young adult where I was blabbering on about one thing or another about someone else’s choices or behaviors, and he would say don’t be judgmental. And interestingly I find this to be one of my best qualities… I don’t judge, and if I find that I am judging I turn my curiosity inward and ask “what in myself is being triggered? why am I judging that / them (what ever that or whoever they might be).

My Dad’s one wish if he could turn back time was that he wished he had stayed in the Military. He didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t press him further… We went on to regrets…

My Dad wishes he had taken advantage of the opportunity to learn how to fly airplanes. He was in the airforce and he had the opportunity to move into pilot school, but he got distracted with life and never followed up. Then he said “And I wish I had kept the Goldmine in Alaska” Wow, I didn’t know he had a goldmine in Alaska… I remembered storied of mining gold in Alaska as a young man but had never heard that he actually had a gold mine.

He told me the story of how he and his buddies had found gold and had staked a claim on the mine. They filled out the paperwork at the assessors office and were prepared to make it all legal, but then… logic kicked in… Gold was $35 an ounce, and it would cost them that much to get the ore out of the mine, so they let the mine go. He flew back home and his buddy was supposed to mail him his gold, but he never did. And so the Alaska Goldmine that was a big dream for him was gone… Logic. Heart. Hopes. Dreams. Logic isn’t always that best choice… 🙂

Then I asked him what were some of the things he remembered about ME growing up? And he said “I was always proud of you. The way you learned from your mistakes, The way you would wander and get lost, and then would find your way home without harm. I loved how nothing phased you. You seemed to have your own internal compass and explored the world without fear. And I really loved how you could get along with anyone, you could talk to anyone, you never acted above anyone. Fearless. That’s what I was and am most proud of. You’d get an idea and go for it. You still do. (then of course I got a little teary eyed, so I asked him to tell me something I didn’t know about when he was a child).

So my my Dad told me that his father was a semi-pro baseball player in Congers NY. He played center field and was really good. He had a dream of going pro (1938), but then he got called to active duty and he was active duty the rest of his life. And his favorite memory was of the black bike his father brought him back from Argentina. It had huge tires and he loved the feeling of freedom he had when riding it, and he loved that his Father took the time and effort to bring it back to the States (this was big since my Dad and his Father didn’t always click…).

What a lovely afternoon of memories and exploration! My Soul is Full!

If you are fortunate to have your parents still with you, I encourage you to take the time to sit with them, ask them questions, glean some pearls of wisdom from their years on this Earth, and connect to them! My Dad continued to tell me stories of him and my Mom and some of their travels, and his eyes were bright and he was so happy sharing his joy with me! And I, was so happy to listen… document… and share with all of you.

Age… A privilege not everyone gets…

May you Age with Joy, with grace, and with gratitude.

Love, Aniiyah